Tasha's Got a Baby Read online

  She wished she could take Summer but she knew she couldn’t. she couldn’t afford to do anything for her right now in her situation and she just prayed they actually took care of her. She knew Summer would be looking for her, but she made a promise she’d call and check on her when she could or whenever Vashon wasn’t around.

  QUA met her at the door wearing an simple all-white Nike fleece and the matching air forces. Around his neck was a big ass medallion and he smelled good. He couldn’t even look Tasha in the face when he grabbed her bags from her to take them down. Tasha didn’t say bye to anybody in the apartment… when it was all said and done, she just left feeling like nobody would be looking for her anyway.

  Eleven

  The apartment QUA had her set up in wasn’t extravagant, but it was way better than what she was accustomed to and she was grateful. It was a one bedroom with a tiny kitchen, dining, and living room with one bathroom. Everything was fully furnished and there was always food in the house. She’d been sitting in the apartment for weeks now though, and QUA was never home, she spent most of her days writing songs and singing them out loud while making her own beats. Since the apartment was in the Heights, which is about 30 minutes from the Projects, she didn’t really see anybody, but she did have loyal clients who she ran in the stores for, they just had to meet her at the store across the street from the apartment.

  Some days… she felt too weak to get out of bed, and other days she woke up in cold sweats or having nightmares. Ralph was still locked up behind bars and it was starting to die down a little bit but her biggest fear was him being released and trying to do something to her. She felt like she was too young to die but she was smart enough to know that he lost everything, his wife, his life, his career, his family… and a person like that was capable of anything. She knew he was in there losing his mind… she knew this cause she was on the outside and still about to lose hers.

  Today was a rainy day so Tasha balled up on the couch watching television. From the outside, you couldn’t even tell she had the virus. Her skin was glowing, her baby hairs were neat and slick with her long ponytail and she’d gained her weight back. She tried not to be sad, but she was lonely as fuck. She knew QUA wouldn’t sit around her cause it hurt him to do so. He wouldn’t even talk to her about what he was into now days cause he’d been getting a lot of money and he wanted her to have no parts of his business life. Most of all, she knew he had to be fucking somebody… she just didn’t know who and wasn’t her place to ask. They were more friends now than anything else cause an intimate life was nonexistent and she couldn’t blame him… hell she didn’t even want to be touched.

  On top of everything else, they were especially on pins and needles waiting for the DNA results and it was driving her crazy so before she even worked up a headache, she tried to doze off and take a nap. Which was short-lived cause Pepper called right before she got a chance to snuggle in on the couch good. “You home?” Pepper rushed.

  “Yeah… what’s up?” She asked curiously cause Pepper hadn’t called her much.

  “Okay, I’m coming over there.” She hung up before Tasha got the chance to even ask her how she was gonna get there with no address. When she called Pepper back, she didn’t answer but within the next 45 minutes she was knocking on the door.

  As soon as Tasha opened it up Pepper rushed her with a hug. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.” She gushed rubbing her belly. “Here I got all these bags for you.” She kneeled down picking the bags up out the hallway. “It’s some stuff for the baby.”

  As mad as Tasha wanted to be at Pepper for neglecting her in her time of need, she just couldn’t be that mad, and although she had tons of baby shit that she had already went up in the stores and got; she was thankful. “Thank you.” She smiled wobbling to put the bags in the room. When she came out Pepper was sitting on the couch rubbing her arms. “You cold?” Tasha asked. “I should really be slapping the shit out of you… you wanna chase your dick and done forgot all about your friend now you doing shit you shouldn’t be doing Pepper.

  “No” Pepper chuckled catching herself. “You got something to drink?”

  “I should really be slapping the shit out of you… you wanna chase your dick and done forgot all about your friend now you doing shit you shouldn’t be doing Pepper. Tasha fixed her a glass of lemonade and passed it to her before sitting down next to her. Before she can say a word Pepper was gulping the juice down like she hadn’t drink shit in days. “Damn.” Tasha laughed. “You thirsty? You want some more?”

  Pepper chuckled. “Nah I’m good. What up with you tho Tasha? I came to check on you.. I miss you, I didn’t come to be interrogated.”

  “Shit I miss you too. I be lonely as hell, but you know… you got ya relationship so I understand.”

  Pepper nod her head an agreement. “Yeah that’s true but one thing I did that I said I’d never do is lose myself in a nigga. I’m only 17 and caught the fuck up.” She sucked her teeth. “Like everything revolves around Tru now cause he takes care of me but I’m starting to get tired of that.” She honestly spoke. She watched her mama get caught up in a man for years and completely lost herself. Pepper vowed that she’d never get caught up like that and she did… got caught up and in love with Tru till the point that she only wanted to be around him as much as possible.

  Tasha sat and listened to what she was saying as she nodded her head. “Yeah… I feel you, shit… that’s why I had to do what I had to do to make sure I had money. Even now, I gotta keep me some money that actually belongs to me cause this shit is crazy. Nobody gonna love you and look out for you better than you can do yourself.”

  “Nah that ain’t necessarily true though.” Pepper’s eyes bounced around the apartment. “Look what QUA did for you… he set you up real nice.”

  “It’s cause we have history and we’re friends before anything, but QUA don’t fuck with me like that…. Trust me. I barely see QUA now days. He pays these bills but I still have my own money. He just wanted to get me out the hood from the humiliation and this is a good start. Nice area, it’s quiet, I don’t have to worry about going outside getting shot or robbed. I don’t have to listen to my mama calling me all types of bitches, hoes, and prostitutes… or waking up to big ass roaches all over me…it’s just better. I needed this.”

  “I feel you… have you spoke to your mom?” She asked Tasha. Pepper had recently saw Vashon and she was strung out on that shit bad. Walking around the projects trying to do anything to anybody for a hit. Shit was embarrassing but Pepper knew Tasha was already going through enough and she didn’t want to share that information with her.

  “Nope and don’t want to… I hope she goes to the hospital when it’s time only cause I need her consent but other than that fuck her. I’m never going back.”

  “Did you find out what you having?” Pepper asked trying to change the subject.

  “Nope not yet, and I kinda wanna just wait and see when I have the baby.”

  “Ya’ll took a DNA?”

  “Waiting for those results now.”

  “Good, good.” Pepper sniffed and stood up. “Well, I gotta get back to the projects and go cook cause Tru’s ass can eat.”

  Tasha furrowed her brows. “Have you been to school?”

  “Barely… Tru takes up all my time.”

  That made Tasha stand to her feet! “Why?! Bitch one of us has to make it! If something happens to me you’re supposed to have your shit together to make sure my baby is good. I don’t want you to be fucked up!” She yelled.

  Pepper squint her eyes. “Why you keep saying that shit?! This the second time you’ve said that to me. Nothing is gonna happen to you!”

  Tasha’s nostrils flared as her voice cracked. “I could die from this virus… I may not see my child turn 18 years old Pep… you don’t understand how hard this is.” She wiped a tear.

  “No, you don’t understand how hard this is for me to talk about with you. I don’t want to think about my best frien
d in the whole world dying yo.” She pulled Tasha in for a hug as they both shed tears on each other’s shoulder.

  QUA walked through the front door looking confused. “What happen?” He panicked looking at Tasha. “Everything aiight? You aiight?”

  “Yeah…” She sniffed wiping her eyes. “I’m okay.”

  “What’s up QUA?” Pepper spoke. “As you can see you give good directions cause I made it.” She managed to smile.

  “Yeah I see that, but now I done walked into some real sentimental shit and maybe I should go.” He chuckled taking the bags of groceries to the kitchen.

  “No… I’m leaving, I gotta get back. I’ll see ya’ll later.” She rushed out of there.

  “What was all that about?” QUA asked putting the stuff in the fridge and the freezer. “Pepper been weird as fuck lately.”

  Tasha took a seat at the barstool staring at him. “Girl stuff.”

  “I figured.”

  “QUA… why did you do this for me? Get me away from the projects?” What she really wanted him to say was cause he loved her, but she knew that probably wasn’t gonna happen right now.

  “Cause… I told you I’d always look out for you if you need me and these one of those times.” He replied closing the fridge and grabbing the keys. “Lock up, I’ll be back.” he walked out the door gone again. Just like any other time; he refused to give her eye contact and he never stayed longer than 30 minutes at a time.

  Tasha was lonely again and now she wished Pepper had stayed longer.

  Twelve

  “I’m nine months already Dr. Dupoy, and my pelvic bone hurts, my back hurts. Everything just hurts and I’m tired. Just induce me already pleaseee.” Tasha begged over the phone. These nine months had come by so quick and the only good news she had gotten so far was that the baby was indeed QUA’s baby. She just prayed the her baby would come out healthy with no signs of the virus.

  “We’ll give it another 24 hours and see what happens Tasha. I try to avoid induction unless it’s a medical reason, which it’s not. Just try to get some rest right now because you’ll need it.” She assured her. “Has QUA been taking his preventative medications?”

  “Yes… he takes them although there’s nothing to prevent. We don’t do anything with each other. We aren’t together.” She reminded her.

  “Oh… I see… hmmm… well again, try to relax and page me if you need me.”

  “Will do.”

  Tasha hung up not feeling any better and staying in the house only made her keep eating everything in sight. On top of that QUA was still always gone and she found out why weeks ago. He was hustling and entertaining whoever this new chick was he met from Scott’s Projects on the other side of town.

  She decided to go shower and make herself comfortable, but soon after showering and putting on her tights and t-shirt, she felt a gush of warm fluid trickling down her legs. “Holy fuck…” she mumbled trying not to panic. Calmly, she walked in the room to grab her bag and sat it by the front door. Next, she called QUA.

  “Hello?” A female answered his cell phone.

  Had the circumstances been any different Tasha would’ve snapped cause she knew her name showed up on his caller I.D and chick was just being messy as fuck answering his phone. “May I speak to QUA?” She asked through gritted teeth trying to ignore the mild contractions coming along.

  “QUA! QUA! Ya baby mama calling!” She said with much attitude. Everything went silent for a minute and Tasha tried hard to listen to the muffles coming from the other side but from what she could hear QUA was snapping.

  “Hello?” He finally got on the phone. “You aiight?” He ask concerned.

  “My water broke QUA.”

  “Shit! Aiight stay put I’m on my way. I’mma call Vashon to meet us there so she can sign the paperwork and shit… just sit down.. don’t move cause we don’t need the baby falling out just keep it in there.” He rushed off the phone.

  As much as pain she was in she sat on the couch in laughter. That had truly made her day cause she knew he was serious. She had prepared for this moment for nine months and now that it was happening, she hoped she could face it.

  Six weeks later, Tasha sat in the house looking at her sleeping baby girl in a bassinet looking exactly like the perfect mixture of her and QUA. She had a head full of beautiful jet black hair. Her soft skin was the color of cocoa and she had the longest lashes Tasha had seen on any baby. Tasha loved her baby so much and so did QUA. They were both genuinely happy when they got the results from the HIV test and Lyric didn’t have it… she tested negative but she’s still have to be test numerous of times throughout her life as she grew up.

  QUA was staying home more since Lyric’s arrival as well. He didn’t want to do anything besides work, come home, and spoil her even when she was sleep he’d just sit there holding her. “You still up?” He asked her causing her to jump. She was so wrapped up into her own thoughts that she didn’t even hear him come through the door.

  “Yeah,” she smiled. “I still can’t believe I’ve got a baby.”

  “Yep… Tasha’s got a baby.” He sat down on the bed drinking form a plastic cup. Tasha noticed that he didn’t drink out of glasses that she’d use, nor did he eat off the forks, he ate off of plastic everything. She couldn’t blame him. He was afraid and if the shoe was on the other foot she would’ve been too. They didn’t educate them on this shit and everything they’d heard about the virus prior to her condition was a bunch of fucked up shit.

  “But Tasha barely got a brain.” She mimicked the line from Tupac’s song ‘Brenda’s got a baby.’

  QUA chuckled. “Tasha gone be aiight cause Tasha smart as hell and you can overcome anything.”

  “I’m going back to school to get my GED and I need a job too. I’ve been thinking about this.”

  “I’m with whatever you wanna do.”

  “Foreal QUA?” She smiled with bright eyes.

  “Haven’t I proved myself enough?” He questioned.

  “You have…” She agreed.

  “What’s on your mind?” He asked noticing the shift of her facial muscles going from relaxed to perplexed.

  “Something is wrong with me… a lot of times I’m terrified thinking about if Ralph ever gets out what’s gonna happen… he’s trying to make bond. On top of that the trial is set almost a year from now and I’ll still have to face him… and then… there’s me; I can’t be sure but I think I’m suffering from postpartum depression or something.”

  “Fuck Ralph you don’t have to worry about him… and post what?” He raised a brow.

  “I’ve been searching online trying to browse my symptoms and it’s real weird. It’s like some days I’m so drained and depressed I can’t even get out of bed. Some days, I don’t want to be a mom… something is happening with me and it scares me. Some days I don’t even have an appetite, and as much as I love Lyric… some days I’m having difficulty bonding with her.”

  A look of worry appeared on his face. “So you feel like you wanna hurt her at times? Or yourself?”

  She violently shook her head. “That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is… something is wrong and it’s making me feel crazy. I don’t want to bottle it up anymore. I’ve been thinking about calling the doctor. Maybe she can subscribe me some antidepressants or something.”

  “Yeah…” He furrowed his brows. “Do that.” He said slowly. “And just know, I got ya’ll.”

  “But do you still love me?” She asked. “I know I did a lot of fucked up shit and kept secrets.”

  “I aint no saint either so we don’t even gotta talk about that shit. Of course I still love you T.”

  “But you’re scared of me…”

  He sighed. “I’m just learning how to deal with this new situation the best I can.”

  “You don’t drink after me or nothing. It’s like you think you’ll be infected just from the smallest shit. You wont even sleep in the bed with me.”

  “That’s cause I nev
er been educated on how to deal with somebody who has HIV Tasha.” He let her know swiping his hand down his face taking a deep breath. “This shit is hard for me. Most young niggas my age would’ve left by now. I’m still here. I’m taking preventatives everyday. I gotta get tested every 6 months behind this to make sure I’m good. It’s shit I’m battling too T.”

  Listening to him admit that had her feeling crazy but at least he was honest. “Can we go to one of those support classes? I want to try it if you don’t mind. I’m not asking you to go as my man. I’m asking as my friend. Just so we can ask as many questions as we need to.”

  He slowly nod his head. “Set it up… I’ll go.” Tasha was surprised to hear him agree but she was happy as fuck as she hopped up to hug him. He hugged her back but when she kissed his cheek he froze. That made her feel fucked up but she wouldn’t let it get to her. “QUA it’s okay… it’s just a cheek kiss and nothing can happen to you. I take good care of myself as well and do everything I’m told.”

  “I’m sorry about that… I just… man ion know.” He shook his head.

  “I understand, it’s okay.” She assured him.

  For the rest of the night they tended to Lyric, watched a movie together, and QUA even fell asleep in the bed with her making sure to stay on his side. The next day was QUA’s birthday and the three of them spent the day together. It wasn’t a beginning, it was just a start.

  Thirteen

  Weeks had gone by and besides Tasha’s postpartum depression, other things had been on the up side with her and QUA. The HIV support groups were a big help to them and it helped QUA to understand a little more instead of looking at her like an infected animal. It helped the communication with them a little more and it was all good until Pepper called one day.